From the Scots Skald: Waile Dugs Frae th' Braine

Tavish McTavish th' Laird ay th' Nairth
Stuid at th' praw ay hi' shep
An look'd towa' th' aicelandec coest.

“I’s as Ah min' it Euan,
Thes coods be guid lain fur th' wee Jimmies.”

Euan luked athwart at th' backs ay th' Scots
A-rowin' th' lest hunder yars tae th' shair,
“Ef wiccan winet an' Murdoch can hauld et”.
Sed Tavish: “Aye hawayal”.

Es th' tois boats groonded oan th' shair,
Tavish an' hes Thanes jump'd tae th' groon.
Hes Soer-chelle laift tae dafend hes boots.

Inlain th' Vikin's hud lained ap oan th' laift
Afront ay th' tois men beldens.
Baserkeys tae th' laift,
Erchas en th' meddle.
Harthged tae th' reit.
An' th' Warlaird Bjairn Arnsaides stuid an th' reer.
Shooted Tavish: “A-cowrin' bahin' hais main!”

The Thanes march'd aup th' bech.
Tha Baserkeys avanc'd ower th' brae
Towa' th' left hain shep.
An' Tavish an' hes main eproach'd th' Vikens
Tae fayet,

Erchas tairn'd an' vollys wa' lus'd
Messen th' target, tha Thanes.
Bet a secand wae ay arrows feel frae th' lift
An' fife ay th' seven Thanes fayell.

Fower Viken Harthged charg'd.
Th' Thanes foot valyently,
Killen tois Vikens fur th' loass ay a body Scot.
An' th' Vikens fail beck, blooded an' cafus'd.

Tavish thayen charg's intae th' frey,
Waipen' oot th' Harthged
En fraitnen' th' Vikens nayerby.

Thayen, es Tavish gat hes braith
Hisaw Bjairn, oathswairn tae hes raivel
Volla th' Friggin' Maid'n.
Tavish charged again, wi' gods oan hes saide,
Th'Scot wa' victorioos
An' Bjairn ran awee wi' a serioos woond.
Laugh'd Tavish: “Tha' el slaw th' dobber doon!"

Seen' Tavish aloyn aset fur Euan,
Th' Viken Waryers chairg'd it ay th' buildin'.
Drenalen oan overlood
Tavish fooght thaim oof, kellen' tois
Senden' thay raist scarrayen beck tae th' belden'.

Grabbin' a flamin' brain,
Tavish ran in an beldens wa' sit oan faiyer.
Th' erchas hud thayer becks tae heem.
Sed Tavish: “Cam oan, les gang an' scaur sem Laivy!”

Tavish raic'd en, killin' thee.
Th' erchas gaither'd themsaylves tagethar
En' th' lest Scots Thane fayell.
Sed Tavish: “Ya shooldn’y ha dain 'at!"
Tavish charged an waip'd ott tha mail.

Speart Euan: “Wha’s laift?”
An hae turn'd towa' tha boots.
Tavish sa' th' Baserkeys a-comin'.
Sayed Tavish: “Thaim"
An' th' Baserkeys chairg'd.

Bludy wes th' combet
Tavish stud, weth th'woons af a hayero
An al th' Baserkeys wa' dayed.

Sed Euan: “Lo-ook! Tha Vikens hae goon”.
Fa seen th' battel wa' tint, th'rayest hud ran awee

Tavish McTavish th' Laird ay th' Nairth
Savayed hes new tarretree.
Sed Tavish: "Thes lain is oors noo.
Gie th' gear aff th' boots, wee Jimmies,
An' lets hae a swatch at whit wai’ve gaut!"

From the Scots Skald: Tha Coo Reed

Tavish McTavish, th' laird o' th' nairth,
Staun in th' entran’tae his stoatin loaby 'n' keeked oot.
Ha staired intae kenspeckle feecies.
Feecies o' fowk ha’ad groon up wi', faot wi' 'n' git blootert wi'.
Th' feecies staird back a’im. 'Twas a' thay cuid dae.

“Wha Euan, ha cam? Wae went weel, tames wur guid.
Whit maed thaim thenk tha’ thay cuid raemaeve me as laird?”

Hae tairnd awa’ fae th’ heids oan speers 'n' stairted
Tae donder back intae th' loaby.
Th’ raivault craishd 'n' th' gaffaz essacutied fa tha desloylty.
“Laiss hawp thess’ull bae a lais’n tae thaim a'.
Ah'm th’ laird o' th' nairth, nay’n’kin tak' tha’fa mai!”

“Laird! Reedas oan th' sath’n bairda!”
A maisager bolted ap tae Tavish.
“Ay thenk thair efter oor haylen coos!”

Swiflay, Tavish saent aff hais Thayns tae support th' Waryers
awready keekin efter th' coos.
“A'll gather mair men 'n' catch ye up.”
Awa' th' fields th' Soer-Chele wur waiten whin th' Thayns arrayv'd.
Th' haird wa' sprayd-oot.
Maist wur in thray groops tae thair richt fernent
A-marshy neuk o' th' feld.
A wee groop a'coos wa' fa' tae th' laift.

“Hair tha' cam”.

Leif th' Jammy
Staun wi' a unit o' Bonnachts aitha saide a' hin
Wi' twa wee groops a' Narsmen aith' saide a' thaim.
Aff tae th' laift a wee groop o' Narsmen
Wur smoukin up oan th' wee group o' coos.

“Laive thaim fur noo, wakin git thaim efter.
Th' mayn pairt o' th' haird as marem pourtaint”.

Th' mayn boady o'Narse-Geels
Avanc'd apaun th' haird
Wa' th' Scots mairchd tae ketchup wi` thaim.
Th' Narse-Geel Bonnachts
Avanc'n tae wi`in chargin' distence
Hairld thair javlens at th' braive Scotsmen,
Killen ba yin.

Th' unet wi' Dean exes gaed plooin' intae th' Thayns.
Th' haun tae haun comba' wis bludy
Bit th' wis Scots hame groon.
Th' Bonnachts stugg'd bak wi' th' loss o' faive o' th' echt,
Th' stroanger Scots staun fairm wi'oot lauss.

Th' Narse-Geel Waryers wi' javlens chairgd
Intae th' Soer-Chele.
Mair bludshaid,
Agin th' Bonnnachts stugg'd bak,
Lusen saix main, th' Scots ba' lusen fower.

Twa' th' Scot tairn tae atteck:
Baith unets hairld thair javlens.
Th' Thayns waipd oot th' Bonnachts
Causen feteeg oan th' nairby Narse-Geels.
Th' Soer-Chele wur nae sae keyn
Bit th' Bonnachts tha' faut wa doon tae yin Jimmy.
An' chairgd in tae dicht oot th' wen man laift.

Twa unets o' Narse-geels waiped oot.

Th' Narsemen chairged intae th' Scots Waryers
Killen tae 'n' drayven thaim beck.
Maenwheel th' unet o' Narsemen
Sneekie sassenachs
Steelin' ap th' laift saide o' th' feel twar th' wee groop o' coos.

A' lest Tavish arraiv'd wi' hi' Waryers
Thay dooble-mairchd tward th' ainamy
Hailden thair groon 'n' rownden oop coos.

Enspayaird bai Euean's roosen spaich
Tavish 'n' hi' maen
Shreg'd aff thair feteeg!
An' et th' doobel kutup wi' th' Narse-Geels.
Th' Scots Waryers hed a go agin
An' agin
Tae destrawy th' wee unet o' Narsemen,
Bit fayled 'n' avenchalee
Gev oop.

Realaisen th' reed wa' faylen,
hes Narsemen smoukin up th' lef haun saide
Wunnae git awa' wi' th' coos,
Leif dasaidid ta'ettack.

Tha Narsemen oan th' richt
Chairgd th' Thayns.
Failen, 'n' wur dustrayd.

Seyen Tavish claise oop,
Leif chairged in tae kell th' Laird.
Bit naytha ded nae damedge.
N' Tavish fayell bak awa' fae th' bloaws.

Anreeg'd ba' th' batter oan thair Laird,
Th' freish Soar-Chele hairld tha' javlens a-Leif,
N' Tavish haird hez tae.
Th' Soar-Chele chairg'd
An' faytel bloaze fayell oan th' Narse-geel Warlaird.
Hae fayell dayed tae th' groon
En a pulavis awm blud.

Th' bettle woan,
Th' dregs o' th' Narsemen gied the pitch
A-runnin' awa' levin' th' coos bahin.

Euan laft alood:
“Nae mair Leif th' Jammy,
Jus' Leif th' Dayed”

Ba Tavish shuk haes haed.
“Ah shuid hae murdurred haim wi' mah ain hends,”
Hae sayed.
“Thes wayen’t ba th' lest taim wa sae they Suthen basteds,
Thay wull ba beck, merk ma woards.
Afta'oor heilen coos
A-spaylen fa' ravenge.”

Ba Euan jus' smaild.

“Layt thaim cam, Tavish, layt thaim cam.”

From the Scots Skald: Battle of the Burn

Wi' thair stoatin' win ower th' Vikin' scrotes o' th' land o' aice, 
Tavish McTavish, Laird o' all th' Noarth 
Teuket aisy in hi' stoatin' loaby 
Wi' a richt banquit o' braw Aislandic baifsteake, 
A-washed doon wi' hunners lairge o' mead 
N' cratur, o' coorse. 

Whin a' o' a' sudd'n thare wis a fairtin' blast 
O'win beneath th' kilts o' a' the noo 
Es th' door wur flung waide 
N' yin o' his scoots boalt'd in, all a-hollerin': 
"M'laird, thare ur mair Vikin' readers aff th' coost!"

Th' clan cheif turn'd tae Ewen Mea 'n' curs'd, 
Thain staun 'n' shoot'd tae a': 
"Mair o' they blowdy heairy, howfin Vikin's 
Aantae learn Scots manaers! 
Wae shell le'rn thaim howfur thay sae 
'Awright' in Glescae toon!"

S'oan th' neist pure wide bricht sunlit marnin' 
Tavish 'n' his main, ilk wi' a heid stowed oot 
O' rampaigin' beasties wi' maetal hamm'rs, 
Set aff o'er th' moars.
"Thair's a wee burn neart th' sea, 
Whaur we wull stoap thaim. 
Waill cetch wi` thaim thare 
N' gie thaim wha' thay'r deu.
Th' burn wull run rid wi' Vikin' blud by th'aind o' th' dae” 
Tavish grinn'd thro' hais theck rid fluff.

N' soon th' braive Scots, 
Th'sporrans a-swingin' wi' th' spaid o' thair mairch, 
Hud raich'd th' bonnie banks o' th' burn. 
Wi' warriors tae th' richt 
N' his picked main tae th' laift, 
Thay gawked 'n' weet'd. 

N' twas nae lang afair th' bastad Ubbas'n, 
Nabut a wee upstairt Viking 
Wi' a baird na hearier thain Tavish's knee-fluff 
Arraiv'd wi' his mangy excuise fur a warbaind. 
Th' hearthguard wa facin' th' Scots warriars, 
Ai' feartie-cat archers a-lurkin' in th' raucle beyon. 
Wi' warriars oan th' ither flaink, 
Th' Jimmy his-sel stoad wi' th' berserks, 
Skulkin' behin'.

Tavish, wi' his boaws, 
Staun fairless in th' centur o' his main 
As a true wairlord shuid.

Intae th' waetair th' Vikin' hearthguard charged, 
Shoutin' abuse 'n' insults 
Ain a forn taung thet th' Scots dingyed, 
Tho' yin Jimmy faell tae th'nmy arraes a-flaein' o'erheed. 
Meatin' th' Scots oan th' aither baink, 
Drookit wi' waetair maex'd wi' Vikin' blud, 
A' wur pat tae th' soard 
Whail bit twa braive Scotsmen faell.
Whail oan th' ither flaenk, 
Th' Vikin's charg'd, tae be met in th' burn by Tavish's maen, 
Kilts a-flyin' waild. 

Th' Vikin' hud nae nae plaice tae gae, 
Nae th' taime tae reas thair shiels 
Afore th' Scots wur amoang thaim, 
N' unprepair'd, thae tae faell,
Fur it steals a brave Jimmy 
Tae fend aff a Scotsman's waip'n so! 

As th' burn bolted wi' thair blud, 
Th' lest o' they Vikin's faell awae.
At lest Ubbason th' bas, 
Ainraig'd, roar'd his greet 
N' charg'd hissael thro' th' wataer, 
Hais berserks, wi' na arm'r 'n' sportin' bit a stitch, basaide. 

They brave maen faill tae haird Scots stael, 
N' Ubbason, aloane, 
Wis stabb'd up th' jacksie 
Sae baid thet he cuid dae na mair bit tae stammle awa', 
Yin haun pokin' twa fing'rs a-defiance, 
Th' ither cauvrin' his wound'd bahookie.

N' as th' lest o' th' enmy wur slean, 
Tavish 'n' Ewen gawked th' dregs 
Run beck tae thair boets 'n' slink awa' hame, 
Smilin' at th' thaught o' Ubbason, 
Roawin' his ain boet hame sittin' oan hi' ain bluidin erse.

N' th' burn bolted rid wi' Viking blud.

From the Scots Skald: Th' Raid Oan Iceland

T'was noo th' time
Fur th' Scots tae raid
A fair way oaf tae th' land o' ice.

Tavish McTavish th' Laird o' th' North
Hid awa' his dosh 'n' set aff
Awae wi' his warband tae gang revenge
Oan Leif th' Jammy Bastard
By attacking his oathsworn Gunnblasdt th' Savage.

This wid be a warnin' - neist time
Tavish wid stickone oan heim insteed.
Thay crossed th' wild sea tae th'
Frozen shores o' that bleak land.
Keepin' edgy, in na time,
Tavish’s scoot hud fun a herd
O' prime hielan beef a-grazin' nearby.

But th' cattle wur protected
By some Viking warriors anaw berserkers.
Tavish hud come prepar'd,
His brave Scots warriors
Armed wi' pointy blades
Sportin' thair finest tartan kilts.
Th' gods wur wi' him tae,
Fur at his side wis his shaman Ewan Mea.

Th' Vikings tho' didnae fair rammy.
Th' wee feartie-cat Gunnblast hud tried instead
Tae pay aff some ae Tavish's men.
Bit a few pointy wurds
'N' th' threat o' a curse
Set th' Scots in order again.

"Whit dae ye think ye'r daein' ye jupin' skivers?
Ah ken ye'r a' stingy gits
Bit dae ye nae hae some loilty?"
Ewan Mea cried oot.
"Awa' ye go ya wee bastirts
Or ah'll gie ye a skelp!"

Sae thay wid hauld fur Tavish’s signal
'N' then tak' th' naurby kine
Bringin' thaim back tae th' ships.

Tavish, wi' Ewan Mea 'n' his picked men
Win' toward th' furthest herd
Behind some rocky ground.
As th' Scots approach'd
Th' Vikings wur in disarray,
Fur thair Laird hud yit tae turn up!
Thay didnae ken whither tae staun thair ground or bolt.

Slowly, thay retreated
Sae Tavish signalled his warband,
An' th' rammy stairted.

At lest, Gunnblast 'n' his men arrived,
Bae which time th' berserkers wur
Filled wi' rage an' in a richt pelter.
Th' Viking warriors a'vanc'd,
Attackin' Tavish’s kilted guard.
T'was a bloody stramash,
Bit th' Scots fought lik' wild beasties.
Wi' th' gods oan thair side murdurred a' th' enemy
At th' cost o' bit yin o' thair ain.

T'was nae time tae depairt,
'N' th' Scots headed fur thair boats.
Gunnblast wis fair rummled win he saw
Howfur mony o' his kine hud bin nicked.
His berserkers charged,
Yhey hairy naked fanatics
Foamin' at th' geggy as thay bolted.
Brave Tavish turned
Tae coupon thaim alone,
'N' at th' lest moment as th' berserkers charged,
In true Scots defiance,
Tavish took a maddy
An' pure wide he hurled his kilt aside
'N' exposed a' he hud tae th' wurld.

Sic bravery is mair than even berserkers kin tak'!

Thair attack stall'd, stutter'd, falter'd, 'n' fail'd,
Th' berserkers retreated in horror 'n' confusion
'N' hoofed it a' the wey hame.

Th' battle wis won, th' cattle nicked,
Revenge oan Leif th' Jammy wis taken.

'N' in Iceland to this dae tales ur tellt
Aroond campfires at nicht
Tae beware th' weap'n a Scotsman wields beneath his kilt.

From the Scots Skald: Awa' Wi' Ye Anglae-Danes!

Brave Laird Tavish escorted hi' baggage 

wi' a unit o' hearthguard, 'n' a unit o' warriors

N' brought alang his personal shaman fur guid luck. 

Th' traitorous scumbag Alfred 

O' th' sassenach horde

Hid lik' a feartie-cat 

Wi' twa units o' warriors,

A unit o' hearthguard wi' dane axes 

An' a unit o' levy bowmen.

Baith armies faced ilk ither o'er th' battlefield

Th' scots howling insults 'n' battle cries

Th' sassenachs cowering lik' li'l moosies.

Wi' baith o' Tavish’s units fernent th' baggage

Th' foremaist shift by th' whinging sassenach de'il 

Wis tae advance his hearthguard 'n' levy

N' then shoot th' brave Scots warriors

Th' useless dregs killing nae but yin man. 

Seein' th' approachin' ambush

Brave Tavish drew his baggage tae his richt 

Intae clear land beyond a wood. 

He pat is hearthguard 'n' warriors in th' wey tae mak' a screen

Afore th' nae-gid Anglae-Danish scrotes.

Huvin blootert awfy much cratur th' nicht afore,

Nae a' o' Tavish’s baggage cuid keep up! 

Th' lest unit wis exposed tae th' bowfing Anglae-Danes. 

Gi'n it laldy, 

See'n th' opportunity tae destroy 'n' plunder, 

Gallus Alfred sen' in his four hearthguard 

All a-chargin' an' wavin' their lang axes 

Agin th' rear baggage unit. 

Th' attack wis richt bonnie

Bit at a cost o' sassenach blud

Cuttin' th' hearthguard by hauf. 

Wi' yin baggage unit destroy'd

N' th' ither twa an' th' warriors fatugued

By th' experience o' seeing a unit destroy'd 

Tavish cried upon his shaman 

Fur hulp 'n' inspiration.

"Do yer dinger, ye reekin' tumshie, 

Or I’ll gie ye a skelpit lug!"

The Laird holler'd

An' th' order wa' carried oot forthwith.

Fortuin wis truly oan the side o' th' brave.

Th' three fatigued units wur claise enough 

Tae hear th' master’s wairds o' gumption

Tha lifted th' spirits. 

Tavish 'n' his baggage continued 

Tae shift aroon th' wood 

Harass'd by doaty sassenach archers. 

Wi' face like a skelped erse, 

Crabbit Alfred sen' his warriors

Aroond th' back o' th' wood 

Tae cut aff Tavish’s escape. 

Wi' an opportunity tae attack anither baggage, 

Grippie Alfred charged in yin o' his warrior units.

Bu' stoatin' the script don’t aye gang th' wey thay plan,

An' afore th' warriors cuid reach th' baggage 

Thay met th' end o' Tavish’s hearthguard screen. 

Tho' 'twas eight agin four th' battle-board wis gey muckle 

In Tavish’s favour, 

Fa' th' warriors wur reduced tae yin man in nae time. 

Seeing th' safety o' th' buird lip loomin' 

Tavish gaed fur it

An' sen' his baggage intae safety.

Reelin' fae th' massacre o' his warriors, 

Alfred di' hi' dinger, 

But whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye, as thay dae say. 

An' th' escape o' th' baggage wis th' final straw, 

Fur Alfred wi' th' remains o' his warband

Headed hame.

While wi' yin voice a' th' Scots a-cried:

"Awa' n bile your heads, an' dinnae haste ye back, ye bampot Jessies!"