Monday, 24 July 2017

From the Scots Skald: Awa' Wi' Ye Anglae-Danes!

Brave Laird Tavish escorted hi' baggage 
wi' a unit o' hearthguard, 'n' a unit o' warriors
N' brought alang his personal shaman fur guid luck. 
Th' traitorous scumbag Alfred 
O' th' sassenach horde
Hid lik' a feartie-cat 
Wi' twa units o' warriors,
A unit o' hearthguard wi' dane axes 
An' a unit o' levy bowmen.

Baith armies faced ilk ither o'er th' battlefield
Th' scots howling insults 'n' battle cries
Th' sassenachs cowering lik' li'l moosies.

Wi' baith o' Tavish’s units fernent th' baggage
Th' foremaist shift by th' whinging sassenach de'il 
Wis tae advance his hearthguard 'n' levy
N' then shoot th' brave Scots warriors
Th' useless dregs killing nae but yin man. 

Seein' th' approachin' ambush
Brave Tavish drew his baggage tae his richt 
Intae clear land beyond a wood. 
He pat is hearthguard 'n' warriors in th' wey tae mak' a screen
Afore th' nae-gid Anglae-Danish scrotes.

Huvin blootert awfy much cratur th' nicht afore,
Nae a' o' Tavish’s baggage cuid keep up! 
Th' lest unit wis exposed tae th' bowfing Anglae-Danes. 
Gi'n it laldy, 
See'n th' opportunity tae destroy 'n' plunder, 
Gallus Alfred sen' in his four hearthguard 
All a-chargin' an' wavin' their lang axes 
Agin th' rear baggage unit. 

Th' attack wis richt bonnie
Bit at a cost o' sassenach blud
Cuttin' th' hearthguard by hauf. 

Wi' yin baggage unit destroy'd
N' th' ither twa an' th' warriors fatugued
By th' experience o' seeing a unit destroy'd 
Tavish cried upon his shaman 
Fur hulp 'n' inspiration.

"Do yer dinger, ye reekin' tumshie, 
Or I’ll gie ye a skelpit lug!"
The Laird holler'd
An' th' order wa' carried oot forthwith.

Fortuin wis truly oan the side o' th' brave.
Th' three fatigued units wur claise enough 
Tae hear th' master’s wairds o' gumption
Tha lifted th' spirits. 
Tavish 'n' his baggage continued 
Tae shift aroon th' wood 
Harass'd by doaty sassenach archers. 

Wi' face like a skelped erse, 
Crabbit Alfred sen' his warriors
Aroond th' back o' th' wood 
Tae cut aff Tavish’s escape. 

Wi' an opportunity tae attack anither baggage, 
Grippie Alfred charged in yin o' his warrior units.
Bu' stoatin' the script don’t aye gang th' wey thay plan,
An' afore th' warriors cuid reach th' baggage 
Thay met th' end o' Tavish’s hearthguard screen. 

Tho' 'twas eight agin four th' battle-board wis gey muckle 
In Tavish’s favour, 
Fa' th' warriors wur reduced tae yin man in nae time. 

Seeing th' safety o' th' buird lip loomin' 
Tavish gaed fur it
An' sen' his baggage intae safety.

Reelin' fae th' massacre o' his warriors, 
Alfred di' hi' dinger, 
But whit’s fur ye’ll no go by ye, as thay dae say. 

An' th' escape o' th' baggage wis th' final straw, 
Fur Alfred wi' th' remains o' his warband
Headed hame.

While wi' yin voice a' th' Scots a-cried:

"Awa' n bile your heads, an' dinnae haste ye back, ye bampot Jessies!"

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