In which we speak of events that unfolded after the
Battle of Ubba's Mound, of the restoration of the confidence of the people of
Brittany in their Lord Robert Eponge, and of his further adventures against the
enemies of that fair land.
And so it was that
Robert Eponge
returned home
Travelling through
his lands
Before him
Word had spread
Of the battle at
Ubba's Mound
Of the worthy deeds
of the Breton knights
And of their great
victory over the Vikings
The people of
Brittany rejoiced
(The concerns they
had previously expressed conveniently put aside)
And there was
celebration throughout the land
Fine wine was
uncorked
Tables were laden
with all good things
Including many
smelly cheeses
And the people
feasted
Church bells rang
Choirs sang
All gave praise to
God
And Robert Eponge
Lord of Brittany
Found his authority
considerably improved
Word of these events
spread
Even into other
lands
Of that battle
Of the exploits of
the Breton knights
Of the scattering of
the hairy invaders
And of Ubba's
humiliation
And the enemies of
Brittany were filled with dread
Thus
Robert Eponge
(His reputation
going before him)
Travelled throughout
his lands
Visiting towns and
villages
Showing his presence
Basking in glory
And collecting
outstanding taxes that had previously been withheld
So, as the daylight
began to fade
Approaching one such
hamlet
The army of Robert
Eponge
(Which was scattered
over a fairly wide area)
Encountered a new
enemy
Hiding behind a
building
A small force of
Anglo-Danes
(Their army was also
spread about the land)
A band of rough
peasant archers
And armoured
spearmen
Tall swarthy
Saxlanders
Chosen men
Protectors of their
Lord
Thorvald Heldigson
Known by reputation
From Miklagard to
Aarsborg
As among the bravest
of leaders
Most warlike in
manner
Greatest of victors
Mightiest of
Warlords
Who had never known
defeat
Hiding behind a
building
Word was sent by
both leaders
To their armies, to
gather at this place
A small hamlet,
tucked between rocky ground and fields
On the borders of
Brittany
The army of Robert
Eponge
Deployed in open
ground
The brave knights of
Patrick Etoile
Arrayed beneath the
banner of Brittany
On the left flank
As usual
Warriors
Protecting Robert
himself
On the right
The army of Thorvald
Heldigson
In tight formation
Archers inside the
building
Arrows notched,
ready to shoot
Huscarls behind
Protecting their
Lord
And so the armies
stood for a while
Facing each other
Sort of
With a building
between them
Anglo Danes
Wary of the
reputation of their enemy
Waiting for
reinforcements
Or for the Bretons
to move into range of their archers
Or make some other
silly tactical error
Bretons
Wary of the
reputation of their enemy
Waiting to see what
the Anglo-Danes would do
Or for some sort of
sign from Heaven
Or something
(And pretty soon
coming to the realisation that their approach wasn't a particularly great
winning tactic if all the Anglo-Danes were going to do was hide in the building
and wait for the Bretons to do something)
The arrival of the
remainder of the Breton army
One small unit of
knights from the rear
One unit of Warriors
beside the rocky ground to the left
(Who had travelled
swiftly after receiving news of the situation)
Prompted Robert
Eponge into action
Otherwise, it seemed
very likely that very little would happen
Cautiously
The Bretons advanced
Closing down the
distance
But casting their
minds back to lessons learned from cheesy Norman
Sensibly keeping
sufficiently far away from the enemy archers not to be shot at
More Anglo-Danish
forces then arrived
Spearmen reinforcing
those hiding behind the building
And more bow-armed
peasants, advancing into the rocky ground
Though there was no
sign from Heaven
Robert Eponge
realised
The moment was now
or never
To take the
initiative
(Though he did
momentarily consider not taking it)
The knights of
Patrick Etoile advanced
Letting loose a
volley of javelins
Into the building
Three peasants fell
dead
And the knights
backed off to what they thought was a safe distance
In that moment
The Anglo-Danes
seized their chance
To counterattack
For while the
knights had backed off
They had not moved
far enough away
To be sure of safety
Furthermore
The Breton Warriors
Moving slowly past
the rocky ground
Were in much the
same predicament
The peasants
advanced and took aim
Remaining amongst
the rocks on the flank
Advancing into the
open before the building.
Arrows were loosed
But with God on
their side
Not a single Breton
knight fell
And only two
Warriors met their death
The knights then
advanced
Throwing javelins
once, twice
And all the peasants
before the house were slain
As the last of the
enemy arrived
The Bretons fell
back
To positions in the
open ground
Occasionally sniping
at the enemy
Who remained hiding
in cover
Thorvald's men hid
Praying for
nightfall
Making their escape
Soon as fading light
allowed
Once again
Valiant Robert
Eponge
Protector of
Brittany
Had seen off the
enemies of that fair land
He gave arm rings to his men
And others
Dogs of War
Mercenaries from distant lands
Seeking honour and plunder
Rallied to his banner
And Robert Eponge returned in
glory
To the acclaim of
his people
Who, honouring his
deeds
Proclaimed him Duc
Thanks be to God
And
Robert Eponge
Duc de Bretagne
