Tavish McTavish th' Laird ay th' Nairth
Stuid at th' praw ay hi' shep
An look'd towa' th' aicelandec coest.
“I’s as Ah min' it Euan,
Thes coods be guid lain fur th' wee Jimmies.”
Euan luked athwart at th' backs ay th' Scots
A-rowin' th' lest hunder yars tae th' shair,
“Ef wiccan winet an' Murdoch can hauld et”.
Sed Tavish: “Aye hawayal”.
Es th' tois boats groonded oan th' shair,
Tavish an' hes Thanes jump'd tae th' groon.
Hes Soer-chelle laift tae dafend hes boots.
Inlain th' Vikin's hud lained ap oan th' laift
Afront ay th' tois men beldens.
Baserkeys tae th' laift,
Erchas en th' meddle.
Harthged tae th' reit.
An' th' Warlaird Bjairn Arnsaides stuid an th' reer.
Shooted Tavish: “A-cowrin' bahin' hais main!”
The Thanes march'd aup th' bech.
Tha Baserkeys avanc'd ower th' brae
Towa' th' left hain shep.
An' Tavish an' hes main eproach'd th' Vikens
Tae fayet,
Erchas tairn'd an' vollys wa' lus'd
Messen th' target, tha Thanes.
Bet a secand wae ay arrows feel frae th' lift
An' fife ay th' seven Thanes fayell.
Fower Viken Harthged charg'd.
Th' Thanes foot valyently,
Killen tois Vikens fur th' loass ay a body Scot.
An' th' Vikens fail beck, blooded an' cafus'd.
Tavish thayen charg's intae th' frey,
Waipen' oot th' Harthged
En fraitnen' th' Vikens nayerby.
Thayen, es Tavish gat hes braith
Hisaw Bjairn, oathswairn tae hes raivel
Volla th' Friggin' Maid'n.
Tavish charged again, wi' gods oan hes saide,
Th'Scot wa' victorioos
An' Bjairn ran awee wi' a serioos woond.
Laugh'd Tavish: “Tha' el slaw th' dobber doon!"
Seen' Tavish aloyn aset fur Euan,
Th' Viken Waryers chairg'd it ay th' buildin'.
Drenalen oan overlood
Tavish fooght thaim oof, kellen' tois
Senden' thay raist scarrayen beck tae th' belden'.
Grabbin' a flamin' brain,
Tavish ran in an beldens wa' sit oan faiyer.
Th' erchas hud thayer becks tae heem.
Sed Tavish: “Cam oan, les gang an' scaur sem Laivy!”
Tavish raic'd en, killin' thee.
Th' erchas gaither'd themsaylves tagethar
En' th' lest Scots Thane fayell.
Sed Tavish: “Ya shooldn’y ha dain 'at!"
Tavish charged an waip'd ott tha mail.
Speart Euan: “Wha’s laift?”
An hae turn'd towa' tha boots.
Tavish sa' th' Baserkeys a-comin'.
Sayed Tavish: “Thaim"
An' th' Baserkeys chairg'd.
Bludy wes th' combet
Tavish stud, weth th'woons af a hayero
An al th' Baserkeys wa' dayed.
Sed Euan: “Lo-ook! Tha Vikens hae goon”.
Fa seen th' battel wa' tint, th'rayest hud ran awee
Tavish McTavish th' Laird ay th' Nairth
Savayed hes new tarretree.
Sed Tavish: "Thes lain is oors noo.
Gie th' gear aff th' boots, wee Jimmies,
An' lets hae a swatch at whit wai’ve gaut!"
A Saga of Sagas
Monday 3 September 2018
Tuesday 3 July 2018
From the Scots Skald: Tha Coo Reed
Tavish McTavish, th' laird o' th' nairth,
Staun in th' entran’tae his stoatin loaby 'n' keeked oot.
Ha staired intae kenspeckle feecies.
Feecies o' fowk ha’ad groon up wi', faot wi' 'n' git blootert wi'.
Th' feecies staird back a’im. 'Twas a' thay cuid dae.
“Wha Euan, ha cam? Wae went weel, tames wur guid.
Whit maed thaim thenk tha’ thay cuid raemaeve me as laird?”
Hae tairnd awa’ fae th’ heids oan speers 'n' stairted
Tae donder back intae th' loaby.
Th’ raivault craishd 'n' th' gaffaz essacutied fa tha desloylty.
“Laiss hawp thess’ull bae a lais’n tae thaim a'.
Ah'm th’ laird o' th' nairth, nay’n’kin tak' tha’fa mai!”
“Laird! Reedas oan th' sath’n bairda!”
A maisager bolted ap tae Tavish.
“Ay thenk thair efter oor haylen coos!”
Swiflay, Tavish saent aff hais Thayns tae support th' Waryers
awready keekin efter th' coos.
“A'll gather mair men 'n' catch ye up.”
Awa' th' fields th' Soer-Chele wur waiten whin th' Thayns arrayv'd.
Th' haird wa' sprayd-oot.
Maist wur in thray groops tae thair richt fernent
A-marshy neuk o' th' feld.
A wee groop a'coos wa' fa' tae th' laift.
“Hair tha' cam”.
Leif th' Jammy
Staun wi' a unit o' Bonnachts aitha saide a' hin
Wi' twa wee groops a' Narsmen aith' saide a' thaim.
Aff tae th' laift a wee groop o' Narsmen
Wur smoukin up oan th' wee group o' coos.
“Laive thaim fur noo, wakin git thaim efter.
Th' mayn pairt o' th' haird as marem pourtaint”.
Th' mayn boady o'Narse-Geels
Avanc'd apaun th' haird
Wa' th' Scots mairchd tae ketchup wi` thaim.
Th' Narse-Geel Bonnachts
Avanc'n tae wi`in chargin' distence
Hairld thair javlens at th' braive Scotsmen,
Killen ba yin.
Th' unet wi' Dean exes gaed plooin' intae th' Thayns.
Th' haun tae haun comba' wis bludy
Bit th' wis Scots hame groon.
Th' Bonnachts stugg'd bak wi' th' loss o' faive o' th' echt,
Th' stroanger Scots staun fairm wi'oot lauss.
Th' Narse-Geel Waryers wi' javlens chairgd
Intae th' Soer-Chele.
Mair bludshaid,
Agin th' Bonnnachts stugg'd bak,
Lusen saix main, th' Scots ba' lusen fower.
Twa' th' Scot tairn tae atteck:
Baith unets hairld thair javlens.
Th' Thayns waipd oot th' Bonnachts
Causen feteeg oan th' nairby Narse-Geels.
Th' Soer-Chele wur nae sae keyn
Bit th' Bonnachts tha' faut wa doon tae yin Jimmy.
An' chairgd in tae dicht oot th' wen man laift.
Twa unets o' Narse-geels waiped oot.
Th' Narsemen chairged intae th' Scots Waryers
Killen tae 'n' drayven thaim beck.
Maenwheel th' unet o' Narsemen
Sneekie sassenachs
Steelin' ap th' laift saide o' th' feel twar th' wee groop o' coos.
A' lest Tavish arraiv'd wi' hi' Waryers
Thay dooble-mairchd tward th' ainamy
Hailden thair groon 'n' rownden oop coos.
Enspayaird bai Euean's roosen spaich
Tavish 'n' hi' maen
Shreg'd aff thair feteeg!
An' et th' doobel kutup wi' th' Narse-Geels.
Th' Scots Waryers hed a go agin
An' agin
Tae destrawy th' wee unet o' Narsemen,
Bit fayled 'n' avenchalee
Gev oop.
Realaisen th' reed wa' faylen,
hes Narsemen smoukin up th' lef haun saide
Wunnae git awa' wi' th' coos,
Leif dasaidid ta'ettack.
Tha Narsemen oan th' richt
Chairgd th' Thayns.
Failen, 'n' wur dustrayd.
Seyen Tavish claise oop,
Leif chairged in tae kell th' Laird.
Bit naytha ded nae damedge.
N' Tavish fayell bak awa' fae th' bloaws.
Anreeg'd ba' th' batter oan thair Laird,
Th' freish Soar-Chele hairld tha' javlens a-Leif,
N' Tavish haird hez tae.
Th' Soar-Chele chairg'd
An' faytel bloaze fayell oan th' Narse-geel Warlaird.
Hae fayell dayed tae th' groon
En a pulavis awm blud.
Th' bettle woan,
Th' dregs o' th' Narsemen gied the pitch
A-runnin' awa' levin' th' coos bahin.
Euan laft alood:
“Nae mair Leif th' Jammy,
Jus' Leif th' Dayed”
Ba Tavish shuk haes haed.
“Ah shuid hae murdurred haim wi' mah ain hends,”
Hae sayed.
“Thes wayen’t ba th' lest taim wa sae they Suthen basteds,
Thay wull ba beck, merk ma woards.
Afta'oor heilen coos
A-spaylen fa' ravenge.”
Ba Euan jus' smaild.
“Layt thaim cam, Tavish, layt thaim cam.”
Staun in th' entran’tae his stoatin loaby 'n' keeked oot.
Ha staired intae kenspeckle feecies.
Feecies o' fowk ha’ad groon up wi', faot wi' 'n' git blootert wi'.
Th' feecies staird back a’im. 'Twas a' thay cuid dae.
“Wha Euan, ha cam? Wae went weel, tames wur guid.
Whit maed thaim thenk tha’ thay cuid raemaeve me as laird?”
Hae tairnd awa’ fae th’ heids oan speers 'n' stairted
Tae donder back intae th' loaby.
Th’ raivault craishd 'n' th' gaffaz essacutied fa tha desloylty.
“Laiss hawp thess’ull bae a lais’n tae thaim a'.
Ah'm th’ laird o' th' nairth, nay’n’kin tak' tha’fa mai!”
“Laird! Reedas oan th' sath’n bairda!”
A maisager bolted ap tae Tavish.
“Ay thenk thair efter oor haylen coos!”
Swiflay, Tavish saent aff hais Thayns tae support th' Waryers
awready keekin efter th' coos.
“A'll gather mair men 'n' catch ye up.”
Awa' th' fields th' Soer-Chele wur waiten whin th' Thayns arrayv'd.
Th' haird wa' sprayd-oot.
Maist wur in thray groops tae thair richt fernent
A-marshy neuk o' th' feld.
A wee groop a'coos wa' fa' tae th' laift.
“Hair tha' cam”.
Leif th' Jammy
Staun wi' a unit o' Bonnachts aitha saide a' hin
Wi' twa wee groops a' Narsmen aith' saide a' thaim.
Aff tae th' laift a wee groop o' Narsmen
Wur smoukin up oan th' wee group o' coos.
“Laive thaim fur noo, wakin git thaim efter.
Th' mayn pairt o' th' haird as marem pourtaint”.
Th' mayn boady o'Narse-Geels
Avanc'd apaun th' haird
Wa' th' Scots mairchd tae ketchup wi` thaim.
Th' Narse-Geel Bonnachts
Avanc'n tae wi`in chargin' distence
Hairld thair javlens at th' braive Scotsmen,
Killen ba yin.
Th' unet wi' Dean exes gaed plooin' intae th' Thayns.
Th' haun tae haun comba' wis bludy
Bit th' wis Scots hame groon.
Th' Bonnachts stugg'd bak wi' th' loss o' faive o' th' echt,
Th' stroanger Scots staun fairm wi'oot lauss.
Th' Narse-Geel Waryers wi' javlens chairgd
Intae th' Soer-Chele.
Mair bludshaid,
Agin th' Bonnnachts stugg'd bak,
Lusen saix main, th' Scots ba' lusen fower.
Twa' th' Scot tairn tae atteck:
Baith unets hairld thair javlens.
Th' Thayns waipd oot th' Bonnachts
Causen feteeg oan th' nairby Narse-Geels.
Th' Soer-Chele wur nae sae keyn
Bit th' Bonnachts tha' faut wa doon tae yin Jimmy.
An' chairgd in tae dicht oot th' wen man laift.
Twa unets o' Narse-geels waiped oot.
Th' Narsemen chairged intae th' Scots Waryers
Killen tae 'n' drayven thaim beck.
Maenwheel th' unet o' Narsemen
Sneekie sassenachs
Steelin' ap th' laift saide o' th' feel twar th' wee groop o' coos.
A' lest Tavish arraiv'd wi' hi' Waryers
Thay dooble-mairchd tward th' ainamy
Hailden thair groon 'n' rownden oop coos.
Enspayaird bai Euean's roosen spaich
Tavish 'n' hi' maen
Shreg'd aff thair feteeg!
An' et th' doobel kutup wi' th' Narse-Geels.
Th' Scots Waryers hed a go agin
An' agin
Tae destrawy th' wee unet o' Narsemen,
Bit fayled 'n' avenchalee
Gev oop.
Realaisen th' reed wa' faylen,
hes Narsemen smoukin up th' lef haun saide
Wunnae git awa' wi' th' coos,
Leif dasaidid ta'ettack.
Tha Narsemen oan th' richt
Chairgd th' Thayns.
Failen, 'n' wur dustrayd.
Seyen Tavish claise oop,
Leif chairged in tae kell th' Laird.
Bit naytha ded nae damedge.
N' Tavish fayell bak awa' fae th' bloaws.
Anreeg'd ba' th' batter oan thair Laird,
Th' freish Soar-Chele hairld tha' javlens a-Leif,
N' Tavish haird hez tae.
Th' Soar-Chele chairg'd
An' faytel bloaze fayell oan th' Narse-geel Warlaird.
Hae fayell dayed tae th' groon
En a pulavis awm blud.
Th' bettle woan,
Th' dregs o' th' Narsemen gied the pitch
A-runnin' awa' levin' th' coos bahin.
Euan laft alood:
“Nae mair Leif th' Jammy,
Jus' Leif th' Dayed”
Ba Tavish shuk haes haed.
“Ah shuid hae murdurred haim wi' mah ain hends,”
Hae sayed.
“Thes wayen’t ba th' lest taim wa sae they Suthen basteds,
Thay wull ba beck, merk ma woards.
Afta'oor heilen coos
A-spaylen fa' ravenge.”
Ba Euan jus' smaild.
“Layt thaim cam, Tavish, layt thaim cam.”
Wednesday 10 January 2018
The Skald's Tale (4): The Year of 7½ Battles
It seemed to be
quite suddenly,
Arrived the end of
Season 3.
When so many
warbands were clashing.
Seven point five
battles in all were fought;
Leaving Vikings atop
the leaderboard
(Though Iceland took
a bashing).
Internal revolts and
wounds from battle
Kept Scots, Norse
and Normans home with their cattle
With no choice but
to take it.
Tavish Mc T was left
alone
And Sibbald chose to
leave his home -
But Ubbason was not
to make it.
Odin and Hugin
watched over this time
(When the raven was
not in Muspelheim)
Keeping one eye on
the action.
While the fates (who
were not so nice)
Seemed often to
control the dice,
Favouring no
particular faction.
Conflict opened with
Conn's bold raid
Against the Norse
Gaels in Strathclyde
(Not this time
obsessed by cattle).
Within that land
they burned and harried,
Departing soon with
much gold carried;
Leif's vaults
emptied after battle.
Meanwhile Gunnblasdt
(Leif's oathsworn)
Sought to improve
Iceland's form
By raiding in
Vestfold;
And though
Norwegians paid the price
Of Ubbason's blood
sacrifice,
The Icelanders were
repelled.
A boost to Anglo
Danish pride -
It turned out luck
was on their side
When Oldenburg gave
up its prize.
The Anglo Danes
obtained great riches,
Despite Cnut's
persistent bitches
About Alfred's lucky
dice.
And Cnut was once
again to suffer
When the Norse Gaels
proved much tougher,
Invading his
homeland.
Fighting on the open
plains
They rapidly saw off
the Danes
And took control of
Jutland.
Not long could Leif
enjoy success
Ere Strathclyde was
by Welshmen pressed;
Once more he faced
disaster.
His cunning plan of
slow retreat
Guaranteed Norse
Gael defeat.
Caradog is now
Strathclyde's master.
Iceland then would
face the test
When Cnut met
Gunnblasdt in Bulanssness -
A Springbok Viking
duel.
For many turns it
looked to be
The long awaited
Icelandic victory,
But how the fates
are cruel!
Gunnblasdt, reeling
from defeat
Determined this
should not repeat,
And gainst the
Franks fought bravely.
Seeing the chance of
a quick win
He charged at
Charlemal (all in);
Missed - fell -
found himself in slavery.
With their Jarl thus
deported
Iceland's people now
revolted
And chaos quickly
followed.
Anglo Saxons under
Aethelflaed
Were thus unopposed
upon their raid,
So helped themselves
to gold*.
*What
meagre spoils of war they'd find
Were
just scraps that were left behind
For
Gunnblasdt had but little.
And
so as Anglo Saxon might
Prevailed
without a fight,
It
only counts as half a battle.
Now our skald has
left a space
At the end here,
just in case
A new Jarl comes to
reign.
A hero who would
have a liking
To take charge of
this band of Vikings
And make Iceland
great again.
Monday 8 January 2018
From the Frankish Skald: The Song of Charlemal
II - The Fall of Gunnblasdt
Searching for more Viking gold
The Franks sailed north o'er oceans cold.
To the furthest corner of the map.
Into the land Gunnblasdt controlled,
Slaves there to kidnap.
At Svinafell their ships made land
From whence they marched to take a stand
Before a lonely tower.
Where sanctuary might be safely found
By peasants in their desperate hour.
Charlemal, King
of the Franks, shivered again. It had been an immense journey, from one corner
of the civilized world to the other, it seemed. Here, standing on the desolate
shore of this frozen land, it was as if they had travelled to another world.
Then again, he could see the positive side. Anyone who lived here would have to
be strong and resilient, and would therefore be perfect slave material. Just
what he needed to bring in the grape harvest, amongst other things. And that
tower was certain to be filled with gold as well, and Charlemal liked gold a
lot.
Once the ships had
safely beached in a secluded bay, and the Franks had organised
themselves, they moved inland. This tower was apparently some sort of sacred
site, and it was likely that the peasants would head there in search of
sanctuary now that the word was out that a hostile warband had landed nearby
and was searching for slaves to take home with them. Charlemal hoped that was
the case - it would be a lot easier to capture slaves if you knew where they
would be. And so, his warband advanced, their intent to intercept and capture peasants finding their
way toward the sanctuary of the tower.
But before the
Franks had reached the tower they saw Gunnblasdt's warband taking defensive
positions on the plain ahead, ready to meet them. The Icelandic Jarl stood in
the centre, his huscarls and berserkers beside him, a screen of archers in
front. Behind them, peasants were already making their way towards the tower,
passing close by the Vikings in the hope that they might protect them.
Gunnblasdt, beleaguered Icelandic Jarl
Having seen many brave Vikings fall
Declared that every Frank should die.
His archers standing like a wall
Poised to let their arrows fly.
But Charlemal, cunning Frankish Lord
Seeing Vikings readying swords
Carefully deployed his Franks
Foot warriors faced off Gunnblasdt's horde
While horses took the flanks.
Before the Franks
could act, the enemy began to shoot, concentrating their fire on the Frankish
warriors bearing Charlemal's banner. Many arrows fell on this unit, and many
men fell, until only a handful of archers remained clustered around the banner.
Only then did they realise that this was not the correct flag - someone had
left the proper one at home, and heads would roll about that for sure when
their Lord found out. But it was too late to do anything about that now. These
Frankish archers wisely drew back, out of range of the exhausted enemy, while
the second unit of archers, under Charlemal's personal command, advanced into
the comparative safety of a small building, while Charlemal, mounted on his
horse, stood alone on the right flank. Following up on this success, Gunnblasdt
was keen to finish the job, and charged his berserkers into the building to
destroy the second unit of Frankish archers.
Bu meanwhile, out of
sight of the enemy, on the left flank the Frankish knights circled around
behind Gunnblasdt's men, hunting down civilians, while on the right flank
Charlemal was moving gradually closer to the peasants in that part of the
battlefield.
Arrows launched from Viking bows
Felled many Franks with many blows
Forcing them to withdraw
Though the centre was a feast for crows
Twas just as Charlemal foresaw
They followed up on this onslaught
Berserkers into the building fought
Focused on killing Franks
They did not spare a lot of thought
For the horsemen behind their flanks
But the berserkers
failed to take the building, as the defenders held sway. The berserkers were
all slain, though leaving only a handful of Frankish archers behind. Only then
did Gunnblasdt realise the true danger - while his men had been winning the fight
in the centre, the Franks had slipped around their flanks, and were already
rapidly gathering peasants for slaves. The Jarl ordered his hearthguard to
chase after the enemy horsemen, but it was too late and they were too slow to
be able to catch the mounted knights, who escaped into the distance with their
prize.
Gunnblasdt was late to realise
The threat of Franks around both sides
Peasants just too far to save;
And Franks now quickly grabbed their prize
Of villagers as slaves.
Running out of
options, Gunnbasdt decided to take matters into his own hands. Seeing Charlemal
isolated, on the far right flank, chasing down peasants on his own, he charged.
But in his desperation the Jarl had underestimated the challenge. By the time he
reached Charlemal, he was already heavily fatigued, and thus left vulnerable to
the Frankish Lord. What is more, Charlemal was prepared for this attack. With
faith in his armour and in the surety that God was on his side fighting these
northern pagans, he met Gunnbasdt's charge with vigour.
With Charlemal isolated on his right
Gunnblasdt chose this time to fight
One last chance to win the day
But 'gainst the man Steel Cannot Bite
He'd need good dice in this melee
But, unfortunately
for the Viking Lord, the duel was short, and Gunnblasdt fell, severely wounded,
to the ground. And so Charlemal hopped down from his horse and duly trussed up
the wounded Gunnblasdt and slung him across the back of his horse to be taken
for a slave himself, along with a selection of assorted peasants.
But alas Odin was not on his side
Gunnblasdt fell and Charlemal survived
The fate of Iceland now looks grave
For wounded Gunnblasdt was hogtied
To find himself enslaved.
So home to France Franks sail at last
With gold and slaves that they amassed
Coffers fully stocked.
As for the fate of poor Gunnblasdt?
He serves as Charlemal's mounting block.
"I could do
with a footstool to get on and off my horse," Charlemal declared.
"The King of Iceland will serve very nicely in that role." And so, it
is told, the fate of the former Jarl of Iceland was sealed.
Saturday 21 October 2017
From The Skald: The Battle of Jutland
And so Leif's warband, who had landed on the coastline of this very flat land, moved quickly inland. Cnut chose to meet him in a broad open area between two hills, where the ravens gathered, waiting for their feast.
His priest by his side, Dane-axe armed hearthguard to the left and warriors to the right, with two pairs of his hearthguard scouts to his far right, Leif advanced his line without hesitation. The gods were favouring him, it seemed, with more sixes on his Saga dice than he knew what to do with.
Opposite, Cnut stood ahead of the line of his men, his warriors on his right facing Leif, two units of hearthguard on the left facing the two pairs of Norse Gaels and the berserkers lurking at the back, trying to stay safe for the time being.
"Call that an Invasion?" Cnut taunted, and his men laughed. But it was as if Leif had not heard him, for the Norse Gael advance continued undaunted and there were even more sixes on the dice. Cnut, becoming slightly unnerved at the confidence of his opponent and the lack of space to move in, stepped a few paces back, feeling a little more comfortable closer to his men.
"It's a very aggressive invasion," he muttered to himself. He exchanged glances with the men next to him. It was time for the Danes to be aggressive now. On the left flank, Cnut's hearthguard charged one pair of the Norse Gael scouts. Backed by the confidence of a six in their How Brave Are You? box, one of the Norse Gaels stepped forward and challenged: "Who's next?" he shouted. After a short pause, briefly considering and dismissing the alternatives, one of the Danes stepped forward.
The dice gods are fickle, and at this point they changed sides.
"Er.. you were next..." said the Dane as the Norse Gael hearthguard fell in a pool of his own blood, and melee ensued, another man falling on either side.
Cnut smiled. With few Saga dice left on the Norse Gael battle-board, it was time to send the berserkers in, and so they charged the unit of Dane Axe-armed warriors ahead of them. The combination of Dane Axes, Ragnarok, Valhalla and very large handfuls of dice made mutual annihilation inevitable, and thus they all died.
"The boats are still there if you want to go back!" jeered Cnut, trying to hide the worried look on his face. But Leif was having none of it. On the Norse Gael right flank the second hearthguard pair joined the fight, while Leif's remaining warriors threw their javelins at the bondi opposite, rather rudely killing one of them.
With his last unblooded unit of hearthguard beside him, Cnut led a charge into the Norse Gael warriors, three of his men falling for the loss of seven of the enemy, the last Norse Gael warrior fleeing for his life.
A temporary success, but the situation was touch and go. Cnut stood with one faithful bodyguard beside him in the centre of the field, a unit of five of his warriors some distance to his right, two hearthguard running to support him, but still too far away, on his left. Leif stood dangerously close to Cnut, his priest at his side, supported by three Dane axe-armed hearthguard. His last surviving warrior was prudently keeping a safe distance away at the back.
"We shall lose the game to win the game!" Cnut cried, confidently. And as his men puzzled over exactly what he meant, Leif and his remaining hearthguard charged. Now Troll-Hide and Son of Odin are all very well, but even with two extra defence dice and an ablative hearthguard it's a challenge to survive thirteen hits. And thus Cnut fell to the ground.
Leaderless they might now be, but the Danes refused to surrender. Calling to Valhalla, the warriors charged the Viking hearthguard, seeking vengeance. calling to Valhalla, the blades of both sides flew as they gloriously chopped each other to bits, and all were slain.
The last two Danes on the field, the two hearthguard who had failed to get to their Lord before he had fallen, backed away, but not quite far enough. Leif called on help from the dice gods, and again the sixes came. Three Saga dice became six, and thus Leif, alone, his battle board loaded, charged and cut down both of the enemy where they stood.
Victorious, Leif laid claim to the land.
Cnut, who had somehow survived, nursing his wounds, sneaked away to fight another day.
And the ravens began their feast.
His priest by his side, Dane-axe armed hearthguard to the left and warriors to the right, with two pairs of his hearthguard scouts to his far right, Leif advanced his line without hesitation. The gods were favouring him, it seemed, with more sixes on his Saga dice than he knew what to do with.
Opposite, Cnut stood ahead of the line of his men, his warriors on his right facing Leif, two units of hearthguard on the left facing the two pairs of Norse Gaels and the berserkers lurking at the back, trying to stay safe for the time being.
"Call that an Invasion?" Cnut taunted, and his men laughed. But it was as if Leif had not heard him, for the Norse Gael advance continued undaunted and there were even more sixes on the dice. Cnut, becoming slightly unnerved at the confidence of his opponent and the lack of space to move in, stepped a few paces back, feeling a little more comfortable closer to his men.
"It's a very aggressive invasion," he muttered to himself. He exchanged glances with the men next to him. It was time for the Danes to be aggressive now. On the left flank, Cnut's hearthguard charged one pair of the Norse Gael scouts. Backed by the confidence of a six in their How Brave Are You? box, one of the Norse Gaels stepped forward and challenged: "Who's next?" he shouted. After a short pause, briefly considering and dismissing the alternatives, one of the Danes stepped forward.
The dice gods are fickle, and at this point they changed sides.
"Er.. you were next..." said the Dane as the Norse Gael hearthguard fell in a pool of his own blood, and melee ensued, another man falling on either side.
Cnut smiled. With few Saga dice left on the Norse Gael battle-board, it was time to send the berserkers in, and so they charged the unit of Dane Axe-armed warriors ahead of them. The combination of Dane Axes, Ragnarok, Valhalla and very large handfuls of dice made mutual annihilation inevitable, and thus they all died.
"The boats are still there if you want to go back!" jeered Cnut, trying to hide the worried look on his face. But Leif was having none of it. On the Norse Gael right flank the second hearthguard pair joined the fight, while Leif's remaining warriors threw their javelins at the bondi opposite, rather rudely killing one of them.
With his last unblooded unit of hearthguard beside him, Cnut led a charge into the Norse Gael warriors, three of his men falling for the loss of seven of the enemy, the last Norse Gael warrior fleeing for his life.
A temporary success, but the situation was touch and go. Cnut stood with one faithful bodyguard beside him in the centre of the field, a unit of five of his warriors some distance to his right, two hearthguard running to support him, but still too far away, on his left. Leif stood dangerously close to Cnut, his priest at his side, supported by three Dane axe-armed hearthguard. His last surviving warrior was prudently keeping a safe distance away at the back.
"We shall lose the game to win the game!" Cnut cried, confidently. And as his men puzzled over exactly what he meant, Leif and his remaining hearthguard charged. Now Troll-Hide and Son of Odin are all very well, but even with two extra defence dice and an ablative hearthguard it's a challenge to survive thirteen hits. And thus Cnut fell to the ground.
Leaderless they might now be, but the Danes refused to surrender. Calling to Valhalla, the warriors charged the Viking hearthguard, seeking vengeance. calling to Valhalla, the blades of both sides flew as they gloriously chopped each other to bits, and all were slain.
The last two Danes on the field, the two hearthguard who had failed to get to their Lord before he had fallen, backed away, but not quite far enough. Leif called on help from the dice gods, and again the sixes came. Three Saga dice became six, and thus Leif, alone, his battle board loaded, charged and cut down both of the enemy where they stood.
Victorious, Leif laid claim to the land.
Cnut, who had somehow survived, nursing his wounds, sneaked away to fight another day.
And the ravens began their feast.
Wednesday 6 September 2017
The Skald's Tale (3): The Year of the Haggis
Book 2 of The Eye of the Raven
Action during Season 2 of The Eye of the Raven |
Of action during
Season Two,
Of clash of shield
and sword.
When raiding
warbands came and went
(Some of them from
the continent)
And the Scots headed
the leaderboard.
It all began when
Aethelflaed
Invaded Jorvik,
where she stayed.
The Anglo-Danes almost lost heart -
It seemed the end
of John's campaign;
But luckily for the
Anglo-Dane
It turned out to be
a false start.
The helpful ref who
came along
Declared The Penny far too strong
And Aethelflaed
agreed.
So the clocks wound
back
(There had been no
attack).
Aarold got off scot
free.
So it all began
another day
When leek-prowed
boats landed in Norway,
And Welsh caught
Viking half asleep.
They harried and
burned within the fold,
But all they could
find was Ubba's gold
(No sign of any
sheep).
The Irish met the
Danes in battle
Claiming back their stolen cattle
From Cnut
Autokorrekthater.
Both sides would
live another day
(Each said the enemy
ran away)
For they fought an
epic draw.
Cnut, now seeking
battle worthier
Raided Anglo-Danish
East Anglia.
Warlords met -
Viking and Anglo-Dane.
Another blow for
Anglo-Danish luck,
Campaign progress so
nearly f***ed
When Aarold was
brutally slain.
But fortunes changed
with Aarold dead,
When the crown
passed to rich dad Alfred.
He attacked those
men in dresses,
The Scots, who so
strongly defended
Sent the Danes home
empty-handed
Calling them a bunch
of Jessies.
Tavish, vict'ry to
his liking
Moved now 'gainst
Iceland Viking:
Vengeance of a sort
was willed.
Though Gunnblasdt
fought a mighty battle,
He was scared off
(and his cattle)
When Tavish lifted
up his kilt.
Meanwhile (after
rules renew)
The Saxons invaded
York (round two);
This time all would
not be cancelled.
A different end -
Saxons did not settle!
Alfred Steptoe
showed his mettle,
And t'was
Aelthelflaed that fled.
The Franks then
sought to make their mark,
Their warband
raiding Hedemark,
Seeking gold in
their adventure.
Ubba and Charlemal
clashed together;
The Norseman died
defending his treasure;
Franks made off with his golden denture.
Ubba's heir, young
Ubbason
Determined to be
troublesome,
Wanted a saga all
his own.
But stopped by Scots
before a ford
His Vikings got
savagely mauled,
And the Jarl had to
row his own boat home.
Finally, Sir
Sybald's Normans
Arrived in East
Wessex without warning,
Apparently to
refight Hastings.
But Aethelflaed's
Anglo-Saxon force,
After a long march
from up north,
Gave them a right
good pasting.
Thus left alone til
this year's end,
Leif's Norse Gaels
(who chose to defend)
Couldn't keep top
table status.
Tavish's Scots now
head the scale;
And hence this
chapter of our tale
We name The Year of the Haggis.
Sunday 13 August 2017
From the Scots Skald: Battle of the Burn
Wi' thair stoatin' win ower th' Vikin' scrotes o' th' land o' aice,
Tavish McTavish, Laird o' all th' Noarth
Teuket aisy in hi' stoatin' loaby
Wi' a richt banquit o' braw Aislandic baifsteake,
A-washed doon wi' hunners lairge o' mead
N' cratur, o' coorse.
Whin a' o' a' sudd'n thare wis a fairtin' blast
O'win beneath th' kilts o' a' the noo
Es th' door wur flung waide
N' yin o' his scoots boalt'd in, all a-hollerin':
"M'laird, thare ur mair Vikin' readers aff th' coost!"
Th' clan cheif turn'd tae Ewen Mea 'n' curs'd,
Thain staun 'n' shoot'd tae a':
"Mair o' they blowdy heairy, howfin Vikin's
Aantae learn Scots manaers!
Wae shell le'rn thaim howfur thay sae
'Awright' in Glescae toon!"
S'oan th' neist pure wide bricht sunlit marnin'
Tavish 'n' his main, ilk wi' a heid stowed oot
O' rampaigin' beasties wi' maetal hamm'rs,
Set aff o'er th' moars.
"Thair's a wee burn neart th' sea,
Whaur we wull stoap thaim.
Waill cetch wi` thaim thare
N' gie thaim wha' thay'r deu.
Th' burn wull run rid wi' Vikin' blud by th'aind o' th' dae”
Tavish grinn'd thro' hais theck rid fluff.
N' soon th' braive Scots,
Th'sporrans a-swingin' wi' th' spaid o' thair mairch,
Hud raich'd th' bonnie banks o' th' burn.
Wi' warriors tae th' richt
N' his picked main tae th' laift,
Thay gawked 'n' weet'd.
N' twas nae lang afair th' bastad Ubbas'n,
Nabut a wee upstairt Viking
Wi' a baird na hearier thain Tavish's knee-fluff
Arraiv'd wi' his mangy excuise fur a warbaind.
Th' hearthguard wa facin' th' Scots warriars,
Ai' feartie-cat archers a-lurkin' in th' raucle beyon.
Wi' warriars oan th' ither flaink,
Th' Jimmy his-sel stoad wi' th' berserks,
Skulkin' behin'.
Tavish, wi' his boaws,
Staun fairless in th' centur o' his main
As a true wairlord shuid.
Intae th' waetair th' Vikin' hearthguard charged,
Shoutin' abuse 'n' insults
Ain a forn taung thet th' Scots dingyed,
Tho' yin Jimmy faell tae th'nmy arraes a-flaein' o'erheed.
Meatin' th' Scots oan th' aither baink,
Drookit wi' waetair maex'd wi' Vikin' blud,
A' wur pat tae th' soard
Whail bit twa braive Scotsmen faell.
Whail oan th' ither flaenk,
Th' Vikin's charg'd, tae be met in th' burn by Tavish's maen,
Kilts a-flyin' waild.
Th' Vikin' hud nae nae plaice tae gae,
Nae th' taime tae reas thair shiels
Afore th' Scots wur amoang thaim,
N' unprepair'd, thae tae faell,
Fur it steals a brave Jimmy
Tae fend aff a Scotsman's waip'n so!
As th' burn bolted wi' thair blud,
Th' lest o' they Vikin's faell awae.
At lest Ubbason th' bas,
Ainraig'd, roar'd his greet
N' charg'd hissael thro' th' wataer,
Hais berserks, wi' na arm'r 'n' sportin' bit a stitch, basaide.
They brave maen faill tae haird Scots stael,
N' Ubbason, aloane,
Wis stabb'd up th' jacksie
Sae baid thet he cuid dae na mair bit tae stammle awa',
Yin haun pokin' twa fing'rs a-defiance,
Th' ither cauvrin' his wound'd bahookie.
N' as th' lest o' th' enmy wur slean,
Tavish 'n' Ewen gawked th' dregs
Run beck tae thair boets 'n' slink awa' hame,
Smilin' at th' thaught o' Ubbason,
Roawin' his ain boet hame sittin' oan hi' ain bluidin erse.
N' th' burn bolted rid wi' Viking blud.
Tavish McTavish, Laird o' all th' Noarth
Teuket aisy in hi' stoatin' loaby
Wi' a richt banquit o' braw Aislandic baifsteake,
A-washed doon wi' hunners lairge o' mead
N' cratur, o' coorse.
Whin a' o' a' sudd'n thare wis a fairtin' blast
O'win beneath th' kilts o' a' the noo
Es th' door wur flung waide
N' yin o' his scoots boalt'd in, all a-hollerin':
"M'laird, thare ur mair Vikin' readers aff th' coost!"
Th' clan cheif turn'd tae Ewen Mea 'n' curs'd,
Thain staun 'n' shoot'd tae a':
"Mair o' they blowdy heairy, howfin Vikin's
Aantae learn Scots manaers!
Wae shell le'rn thaim howfur thay sae
'Awright' in Glescae toon!"
S'oan th' neist pure wide bricht sunlit marnin'
Tavish 'n' his main, ilk wi' a heid stowed oot
O' rampaigin' beasties wi' maetal hamm'rs,
Set aff o'er th' moars.
"Thair's a wee burn neart th' sea,
Whaur we wull stoap thaim.
Waill cetch wi` thaim thare
N' gie thaim wha' thay'r deu.
Th' burn wull run rid wi' Vikin' blud by th'aind o' th' dae”
Tavish grinn'd thro' hais theck rid fluff.
N' soon th' braive Scots,
Th'sporrans a-swingin' wi' th' spaid o' thair mairch,
Hud raich'd th' bonnie banks o' th' burn.
Wi' warriors tae th' richt
N' his picked main tae th' laift,
Thay gawked 'n' weet'd.
N' twas nae lang afair th' bastad Ubbas'n,
Nabut a wee upstairt Viking
Wi' a baird na hearier thain Tavish's knee-fluff
Arraiv'd wi' his mangy excuise fur a warbaind.
Th' hearthguard wa facin' th' Scots warriars,
Ai' feartie-cat archers a-lurkin' in th' raucle beyon.
Wi' warriars oan th' ither flaink,
Th' Jimmy his-sel stoad wi' th' berserks,
Skulkin' behin'.
Tavish, wi' his boaws,
Staun fairless in th' centur o' his main
As a true wairlord shuid.
Intae th' waetair th' Vikin' hearthguard charged,
Shoutin' abuse 'n' insults
Ain a forn taung thet th' Scots dingyed,
Tho' yin Jimmy faell tae th'nmy arraes a-flaein' o'erheed.
Meatin' th' Scots oan th' aither baink,
Drookit wi' waetair maex'd wi' Vikin' blud,
A' wur pat tae th' soard
Whail bit twa braive Scotsmen faell.
Whail oan th' ither flaenk,
Th' Vikin's charg'd, tae be met in th' burn by Tavish's maen,
Kilts a-flyin' waild.
Th' Vikin' hud nae nae plaice tae gae,
Nae th' taime tae reas thair shiels
Afore th' Scots wur amoang thaim,
N' unprepair'd, thae tae faell,
Fur it steals a brave Jimmy
Tae fend aff a Scotsman's waip'n so!
As th' burn bolted wi' thair blud,
Th' lest o' they Vikin's faell awae.
At lest Ubbason th' bas,
Ainraig'd, roar'd his greet
N' charg'd hissael thro' th' wataer,
Hais berserks, wi' na arm'r 'n' sportin' bit a stitch, basaide.
They brave maen faill tae haird Scots stael,
N' Ubbason, aloane,
Wis stabb'd up th' jacksie
Sae baid thet he cuid dae na mair bit tae stammle awa',
Yin haun pokin' twa fing'rs a-defiance,
Th' ither cauvrin' his wound'd bahookie.
N' as th' lest o' th' enmy wur slean,
Tavish 'n' Ewen gawked th' dregs
Run beck tae thair boets 'n' slink awa' hame,
Smilin' at th' thaught o' Ubbason,
Roawin' his ain boet hame sittin' oan hi' ain bluidin erse.
N' th' burn bolted rid wi' Viking blud.
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